


so difficult to talk

by jessenigma



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessenigma/pseuds/jessenigma
Summary: It is amazing what realizing that you put your life into someone else's hands with nothing more than half a Star Wars reference to go on will do for your fear of talking to them.Jiya's kiss is even more amazing.





	

Rufus's crush on Jiya had been blindingly obvious to everyone from the second she started at Mason Industries. The trouble was, being the kind of kid who built elaborate scale models of Chicago transit systems didn't really lend itself to also being the high school stud. Being packed off to study physics at MIT and pulled into a top secret scientific project for the last nine years also narrowed his social circles nicely. Rufus had had precisely two girlfriends, both of whom had made the first move. Relationships were so not his forte. But when even his kid brother was starting to ask if he was ever going to ask Jiya out...  
  
(He'd not even thought twice about Anthony urging him to take Jiya with him for Taco Tuesday that day. Everybody from Connor to some woman from HR he didn't even know had been giving him surreptitious thumbs up and encouraging nods for months. It was a little forward of Anthony, but Rufus also knew about that betting pool going on. It was only later that it occurred to him that maybe Anthony had been trying to get them out of the line of fire.)  
  
The first date was a disaster. The gasp of bravery that had pushed him to ask Jiya to dinner right after the Hindenburg didn't live long past the adrenaline rush. And suddenly, when they were finally away from everyone else and he was sitting across from her at his favorite Thai place, talking to her seemed like the most impossible thing he could ever do. Everything they'd ever talked about at work, every crack about tribbles and the dire coffee in the breakroom and the latest Marvel movie, floated straight out of his mind and all he could think to do was babble on about how much he liked pad thai and had Jiya ever been here before? Jiya hadn't seemed to mind, but after he'd paid the bill and driven her home, Rufus was too embarrassed to do anything more but wish her good night and speed home to hide in the shower. No good night kiss. No good night hug. Not even a good night handshake. Just a good night wave from a car zipping away as fast as legally possible. Good job, Rufus. Way to convince Jiya that you like her and want to see her again.  
  
He wanted to kiss her so much. But it took all the courage he could manage just to message her from his computer the next day like usual, so clearly a kiss was going to be out of the picture. Why was talking so damn hard? Why couldn't he just be a normal human being who could have a conversation with other normal (attractive) human beings? He could quip at Wyatt and Lucy all day, but just talking to Jiya?  
  
On the other hand, it is amazing what realizing that you put your life into someone else's hands with nothing more than half a Star Wars reference to go on will do for social anxiety.  
  
Jiya's kiss was even more amazing.  
  
(He probably should've thanked her for shutting him up with it, because otherwise the second date would've never happened. He would've still been too busy complaining about the cracked tube. It took ages to get all the coordinates and information worked out for that note, thank you, and they were saved by _an awkward joke from two years ago_.)  
  
The second date went much better - a movie, Jiya's favorite sushi place, and an actual good night kiss with absolutely no fleeing home afterwards, success! - and finally they were really, truly dating. And it was everything Rufus had ever hoped it would be. Spending time with someone he cared about, someone he trusted...someone who could trounce him at video games before they made their way to the nearest bedroom. He loved her long dark hair, and her big brown eyes, and her half-chipped nail polish, and the way she muttered under her breath as she typed. He loved the way she looked when she dressed up for a night out and he loved the way she looked in just his t-shirt. Rufus even loved the way she gloated every single time she trounced him at those video games, which he still thinks is awfully magnanimous of him.  
  
Rufus loved everything about Jiya, which is what made jumping through time suddenly a thousand times more difficult. Rittenhouse had made him afraid for his family, which was hard enough. He had made so many commitments to get them all out of Chicago and to get the house and the cars and the private school, and he doesn't know now if he would've done it if he'd truly understood what Rittenhouse was at the time. He'd been a teenager, what did he know about the strings people would pull to get access to his mind? He was still scared shitless that Rittenhouse might try to do something to his family. But at least they were safe in their own lives surrounded by people with their own loyalties and connections. Rittenhouse might know about the basketball games, but someone would notice if they tried to pull his brother out of one. It was a small comfort, but it was something. Jiya, though – Jiya was right in the middle of a snake's nest. Rufus could leave, jump back to where the hell ever Flynn decided to lead them to this time, and come back to find her swept away by something he'd never warned her about.  
  
Telling Agent Christopher wasn't his first choice. No matter what Wyatt thought about telling her, no matter what Lucy thought, they didn't know Rittenhouse like he did. They didn't understand, not the way Rufus did. But Agent Christopher was going to find herself stumbling into something she couldn't fully understand, like he had, if he didn't tell her. Only Rittenhouse wouldn't be so kind to her as they were to him (if you could call disabling his moving vehicle at the first sign of pushback "kind"). And at least if she knew, there would be someone there at home base with Jiya. Just in case. And he wouldn't have to warn her yet.  
  
His last hope of keeping Jiya far away from his own personal hell died when she came to him at work bubbling over with excitement about pilot training. It was then that Rufus thought maybe they both would've been better off if the first date had been the only date. Maybe she would be secure and safe and off the radar without her connection to him, Rittenhouse's own rebellious prodigy. (No, she was brilliant at physics, she never would've been off the radar for long.) He knew his reaction to the news confused her. How could it not? He wanted her to be successful. Jiya would be a fantastic pilot, and starting training after just two years was an absolute coup for her career. But...  
  
But. It wasn't even that Jiya training would make him expendable. Not that Rufus was thrilled with that by any stretch of the imagination, but there was so much more than that. Jiya facing the same dangers he did on trips? Or worse? Jiya coming so close to death all the time? God, Jiya having to shoot someone too? It was hard enough looking at himself in the mirror these days. The thought of her smile dimming and fading away with each new trip back was horrifying. The Rufus from before this whole adventure started would have never dared to go through with Wyatt's plan to steal the Lifeboat for the second time. The Rufus now couldn't not do it.

It had all seemed worth it right up until Jiya had seized in front of him.  
  
Rufus hadn't truly known before then that he'd been keeping his heart outside his body. That loving nail polish and video game victory dances and a dozen other quirks had turned into loving all of Jiya. That not saying "I love you" could hurt a thousand times more than anything else he'd ever left unsaid.  
  
Hearing her tell him that she loved him too almost fixed everything. But now Rufus has to fix everything for real.

**Author's Note:**

> Rufus is truly a man after my own heart, as I also would much rather stay safe and sound at my computer, and his relationship with Jiya is really one of my favorite parts of the show. Here's hoping for much happier times for them both (and a renewal so we can see those times).


End file.
